I'm Planning For the Weekend Wars

I can't find the words to tell you what's circling my mind. It's filled with all sorts of thoughts that don't have familiar sounds. I wish it would silence from time to time, but it's constantly on the move. The nomadic thoughts can't find comfort in just one place. My thoughts sway with the calming breezes that quiver down my spine. What is the world of my life becoming? It's keeping a secret from me.
I got a somewhat alarming phonecall at the closing of 5 am. She cried and cried and told me that her body was in pain, and that it had been raining & she was all alone in that hospital room. She kept panicking about things not related to one another and started to hypervenrilate because she felt so alone. I tried my best--from the far distance that I stood-- to calm her. I comforted her the best way any sleeping person could at 5:50 in the morning. She calmed down & I asked her to take a sip of the water that I knew was sitting right beside her & to wipe her face. I wonder if she dozed off into some kind of sleep after our phonecall. I hope so.

The other day, I was walking, singing a song to myself & a scent of him stopped me right in my tracks. A rush of pleasant memories took over my previously distracted train of thought & I missed him for that brief moment. . . I found myself thinking of what could have been & had to force all of the possibilities out of my head just to remind myself that I left for a reason, a valid reason. Single me feels good.

One day, I'm going to spatter my endless thoughts on canvas walls & it all might start to make sense. My predictions are the only thing I am.

Somethin's Missing

I´m feeling such a vacancy, I don´t feel whole. Wish I could put my finger on it but I don´t know what it is. I looked in every place I could seek. Tried to find the missing part of me. I can´t explain this feeling. Feels like I´m on the long journey going in circles And I ain´t even going nowhere. I´m lost in the middle of nowhere. Something is missing can´t somebody help me? Something is missing I´m missing a part of me. Something is missing Show me what it is. . .

Good Morning Fire Eater

I'm sitting here, nauseas as can be & just frustrated that I can't focus beyond this queezy stomach. I tried to stick it out through my 2nd class but I just couldn't do it. I just don't understand why almost everytime I get focused & ready to have a productive moment, day, week, whatever, something stupid always makes it little harder to function.
Anyways, enough about that. So far, the days have felt longer but the weeks are flying by. Granted this semester is going faster, I'm getting so restless! I don't know, I think it's just raining in my tiramisu.

God Damn the Black Night & All of Its Foul Temptations.

It's so peculiar how the night unfolds. You can't ever see how it all happens until it's all said and done.Why was that so random? All I can say is let the good times roll! So many people in this tiny ass room. How is it that we weren't all closterphobic by the end of the night?

I Hope the Postal Service Can Get This to You.

Dear Petit(e) Somebody,

We were all really looking forward to meeting you. We were excited to arrange things for you and found ourselves always thinking of all of the cool places that we would take you. If you were a girl, I pictured you to be about 2 or 3 years old with your little curly bouncy ponytails and sundress with baby pink chucks on. If you were a boy, I imagined you always drooling and jumping onto anything that was within your reach. I thought about your future and what your favorite book might have become. It was exciting to think of the influences that we would have on each other. I pictured your smile and your piercing cries because Mommy told you no. I was excited to be a part of your life. Well, the universe decided that the tension was too much for you. So gravity pulled you away and now I think that we have all gotten used to our old but different days. Even though you never made it here, you still managed to put a smile on my face.

There were so many times where I regretted the way things ended between us. I felt that the right thing to do was to keep coming back and proving my loyalty because someday you would need a shoulder to cry on. I wanted you to know that I would always love you and that you didn't have to try so hard at being strong because you had a strong support system that was willing to give you the softest pillow to fall on. But you insisted on pushing us all away to the point to where I actually can't stand to even think of you. 

Is it okay with you that now we mean nothing to each other?

It's Been A While. . .

So I figured that I'd come back to the blogger world for the new year of 09. So far I believe that this year has the most potential to be better than the previous year. A lot has happened since the last time I've written, but no need to go backwards, I'll just speak for my present. . 

I woke up to a text that just made me smile. You can be a million miles away, or we could go months without speaking. But the moment I saw ppsst in my inbox, it gave me butterflies. . This new year is all about new beginnings and things for most, and yes, I have my new year's resolutions, but I would like this year to be about fixing the things that unraveled with time.