I can't find the words to tell you what's circling my mind. It's filled with all sorts of thoughts that don't have familiar sounds. I wish it would silence from time to time, but it's constantly on the move. The nomadic thoughts can't find comfort in just one place. My thoughts sway with the calming breezes that quiver down my spine. What is the world of my life becoming? It's keeping a secret from me.
I got a somewhat alarming phonecall at the closing of 5 am. She cried and cried and told me that her body was in pain, and that it had been raining & she was all alone in that hospital room. She kept panicking about things not related to one another and started to hypervenrilate because she felt so alone. I tried my best--from the far distance that I stood-- to calm her. I comforted her the best way any sleeping person could at 5:50 in the morning. She calmed down & I asked her to take a sip of the water that I knew was sitting right beside her & to wipe her face. I wonder if she dozed off into some kind of sleep after our phonecall. I hope so.
The other day, I was walking, singing a song to myself & a scent of him stopped me right in my tracks. A rush of pleasant memories took over my previously distracted train of thought & I missed him for that brief moment. . . I found myself thinking of what could have been & had to force all of the possibilities out of my head just to remind myself that I left for a reason, a valid reason. Single me feels good.
One day, I'm going to spatter my endless thoughts on canvas walls & it all might start to make sense. My predictions are the only thing I am.
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