Love Hurts Sometimes, but this Feels Right

I wish that we could be better. I haven't been my best for quite a while, & neither has she. This is a growing, evolving transition for us both & as much as it hurts, it's got to be on our own terms away from each other. I miss her. I guess this is the time where I refrain from depending on her permanence & this is where I try to stand on my own. It hurts to realize that I don't depend on myself as much as I'd like to. I have no fear of losing her, just losing myself. I wish I could push this part of growing to another place in my life, somewhere in the future, but time waits for no one. I wear this necklace my father gave me a few weeks ago that reads fearlessness. When I look in the mirror each day & see it around my collar bone along with the necklace I hold in my sleep from my mother, I am reminded of my immense fear in who I am today. Even though it shoots a bit of fear through my chest, it is soon calmed by this unrelenting hope. As odd as it sounds, I am afraid but I know in my heart that they will never abandon me. I think it's okay for people to be scared of the unseen at times, I just have a hard time admitting to myself that I am all too human.
You matter enough to be my incentive when I feel like it's completely unbearable. You believe in me enough to make me want to believe in myself & for that, I appreciate you. You've become the inspiration for the both of us. We just hope to never let you down.
The summer will be the greatest but I would like to believe that it won't be too hard to say "see you soon" again if that's what is to happen. I think that if I remind myself daily of the things I ought to believe in, that one day I will. I don't know if that makes too much sense though. Hm, we'll see.