I Found the Silence Amongst All of the Sound

I rediscovered how dependent I am on music. Not only do I write, sleep, eat, and exist with an endless play list on, but my mood coincides with the lyrics and melody, too. I wrote a paper today, an Early Morning Socrates one actually, on how a particular song had much to do with the positive choices that I made in due time. I enjoyed it. It helped me regain conscienceness again during my seemingly endless days. I've been all m.i.a. on everyone as of late. I like that too. Something about the seclusion of my headphones bring me security. I'm not feeling too stable right now, so somehow it brings me stability. Weird? I dunno. Anyways. .

I'm trying not to freak out. Tests tests tests. Why won't they all go away!? Funny thing is, I actually do have the choice to just not get out of bed, but that wouldn't be too wise. Today I studied for hours. I learned that I have been more influenced by my peers than my parents; not a big surprise but it also said that parents should be given less credit for kids who turn out great and blamed less for kids who don't. Lots of things are inherited but not the decisions that we ultimately make. In reading about adoption studies, it's interesting that the adoptee's traits bear mores similarities to their biological parents than to their caregiving adoptive parents but they will have more similar religious beliefs to their adoptive parents. So, morality can be taught, but innately we are--no matter what--linked to the ones that birthed us, whether we knew them or not. An adopted child will be biologically similar in personality traits with their parents but believe the things that were taught to them by their actual caregivers. I guess I just think that it's fascinating that the actual parents of an adopted child and the caregivers can be completely different, but still be interconnected and have some credibility in raising this child together. I have no clue if any of what I am saying is making sense! I am learning new things but I am definitely sleep deprived.

I observed all of the constant movement and activity in my day with it all on mute. Well, I just had on a different soundtrack and watched the lips move and imagined the sound of the click clacking of heels and the sounds the long boards make when weaving through traffic. It was oddly fulfilling.